The Easy Way

Can it really be this easy?

http://toronto.en.craigslist.ca/tor/sha/1147544717.html

Globe & Mail Headline

Voter turnout to be high, B.C.'s electoral officer predicts

The New Billy Bob

To continue with a previous story, Billy Bob Thornton last night had his first television appearance since the infamous "mashed potatoes but no gravy" incident on CBC radio.

Billy Bob was an entirely different person, laughing, joking, and generally being responsive and coherent with Late Night host Jimmy Kimmell.

My general feeling about the whole situation is that you shouldn't use your fame selectively to promote your band. He doesn't want his fame to be mentioned on CBC radio, but then appears as Billy Bob Thornton the Actor on Jimmy Kimmel to promote his band. You can't have it both ways.

And maybe you shouldn't get to set rules going into interviews if the only reason your band got the interview is because you are Billy Bob Thornton. The way I see it, granting the no-name BoxMasters a band interview is and will always be a favour to Billy Bob Thornton the Actor.

I hope he understands that, otherwise he is a fucking loon.

Notation Neurosis

I used to work for a big, ugly, heartless corporation. For those of you who may doubt that days spent locked in a cubicle, pushing paper can take a toll on ones mind please humour me for a moment. I recently discovered the notebook I used to take to all meetings at this mind-numbing job. Below are just a few of the signs of psychosis that were scribbled across pages upon pages of boring notation.

-Bad Back
-You never do!
-Knee Surgury
-Free Snacks!
-Kiss My Brown Ass
-NO PROBLEMS ALLOWED!
-Be careful! They may be unhappy.
-That is IT!
-PAY UP!
-Soup to Nuts
-Lawyer In A Tower
-"I am a loyal person and like to eat steak and chocolate" (this was actually a description the shy 30 something Chinese man who worked in my department gave for himself when we were asked to introduce ourselves at a meeting with another department)
-Bamboo!
-V8 Juice, Yoh juice
-Machine, machine, machine
-ghost
-Long list, long list, long list, long list

Us And Them

For those who haven't experienced the genius that is my acting abilities, here is just a small taste. I play the awkward creeper with a tan to perfection!

Quantity over Quality

How crazy is this topless table? Eh? Eh???


And this bag contains all the real film used in the entire world since the advent of the digital camera.


Two world collide! OMG!

madlib the bad kid

The Onion

In my opinionation The Onion - American's Finest News Source, has really sucked lately. I wondered repeatedly if they had fired all their best writers or if there was perhaps a satirical writers strike or even a satirical satirical writers strike. I never got to the bottom of it. However, it seems The Onion may have regained its form. This following article reminds me very much of one of the many stupid arguments I might have with my friends.

Apparently Man Can't Just Hate Bowling

GENESEO, NY—Despite repeated attempts to explain his feelings on the matter, 29-year-old local resident Dave Barrister expressed shock Monday after learning that he was evidently not allowed to simply dislike bowling. "Looks like nobody in the history of the planet has ever just hated to bowl," Barrister said following a 20-minute interrogation by friends, who cited his love of both beer and chicken wings in their refusal to allow him to detest the activity. "I just don't like it, okay? I do not at all enjoy the experience of bowling. Why isn't that enough?" Barrister reportedly bowled an 89 later that evening.

Where Babies Come From

This is so stupid and the music is annoying, but it is a giant penis with kids coming out of it. I feel I have an obligation to show it to you.

Failure to Execute

That can't be good for business.

Kanzi The Orangutan

Meet Kanzi the Orangutan. Kanzi has been trained by a scientist since birth to communicate with humans and develop higher level brain functions. This video is one example of his abilities. He also has a really amazing understanding of English that you can see in other youtube videos.

Billy Bob Thornton

Billy Bob Thornton is fucked.

What were you thinking?

Two examples of really weird choices:

1)
Props to Tony for pointing out this first gem. I'm not sure what went wrong here exactly, but the results are both funny and possibly very offensive. Is the man supposed to be in black face? Is someone just really bad at making sings? Did the owners actually pay money for this? I certainly would have sent it back. But I'm particular. I expect the name of my street to be spelled properly as well.


Ok, I suppose this could be considered an improvement. They got the street name right, but in the process cut off the Seniors & Kids price with the scary, well-coiffed face. If anyone is willing to give Donlands Barber Shop a call to see what the deal is with their signage situation I will give you a dollar. Was it all just a big mistake?


2)
I don't think this one was a mistake. A giant Mary Poppins window adorning the front of your house? What kind of maniac is this? Who idolized Mary Poppins? She's a fucking nanny with an umbrella that makes her fly. Putting something like this up is crazy. Really weird and crazy. But lets give this crazy and weird person the benefit of the doubt, maybe they belong to a religion where they have to do everything their children suggest. Thats fine, but still, isn't engraving giant panes of glass like, really, really expensive? Can you imagine what the people making this thought of the request? "I'm sorry Mr. and Mrs. Werido, you're going to have to pay upfront."

Meet Romeo

Aditya "Romeo" Dev is the worlds smallest bodybuilder. He stands 2'9", has blonde hair, and his friends knees are slowly being swallowed by its thighs.



From telegraph.co.uk:

Using custom-built 1.5kg dumbbells, Romeo, 19, pumps iron daily to prove that small is beautiful. While most dwarfs have large heads compared to their bodies, Romeo is perfectly proportioned, and despite his diminutive stature has triceps, biceps, calves and thighs that would make many a full-grown man blush.

Large crowds regularly flock to watch him at his gym in Punjab, where as well as weight-training and push-ups Romeo is training to be a dancer. "I've been training as a bodybuilder for the last two years and by now I think I must be the strongest dwarf in the world," said Romeo.

Romeo is famous in his home country, and his father has spoken of his pride in his son's determination to overcome any difficulties in his path. "He has never been bothered at being so small. He has no inferiority complex. He is the jewel of our family."

Defunct Designs

While on the interwebs this evening investigating a story a homeless man told me about his past life as an AHL hockey player I came across a list of now defunct AHL teams. Some of the logos are worth a look:

The Baltimore Clippers
Ship Captain Inspired?

The Boston Braves
Straight Up Racial


The Buffalo Bison
Sell-Outs.



The Carolina Monarchs
What does Carolina have to do with Monarchs and what do Monarchs have to do with Lions? Good thing you trademarked it...I'm sure there's tons of people desperate to rip this one off.

The Cincinnati Mohawks
Also racial, and strange feet, but a cool oldie-time look.


The Cincinnati Swords
The Swords? I've never heard of a team called "The Swords" before. Sean Connery.


Cleveland Barons
I'm not sure what this picture is supposed to be


The Cleveland Barons
In 2001 they changed their logo from something not entirely distinguishable to something just stupid. A shark in a top hat? What the?


The Cornwall Aces
This one is sick!


The Erie Blades
Sick name and logo

The Kentucky Thoroughblades
The Thoroughblades? Yes, we get it, you love horses in Kentucky, but really how horse-centric do you have to be? I guess they found the lone hipster in town to chose the colour scheme. But a horse with purple hair? Please. Oh man...there's just so much strangeness here.


The Nova Scotia Voyagers
Does this logo inspire confidence in your team? These guys look lost.


The Beast of New Haven
Horror themed hockey - previously the Carolina Monarchs


The St. Louis Flyers
Oldie Time!!!


The Syracuse Indians
Racial!

Greek Protest

Greek farmers in Athens come up with a wasteful, yet creative way to show their disapproval of government policy.

From Reuters:

Farmers pour milk on the road during a protest in front of Greek parliament in Athens March 31, 2009. About a hundred Greek farmers demanding compensation for low product prices protested outside the Agriculture Ministry in Athens and marched to parliament.