Nickelback Outed at Juno Awards

Nickelback admitted to fans and detractors alike during an award show acceptance speech Sunday night that they are in fact the product of a bet between two drunken record execs and have never had at any point in their lifetimes any musical ambition or ability.

"We're worse than Milli Vanilli, really, have you actually listened to our music?" said Nickelback drummer Joel McLarken, an ex-private school teacher who is both legally blind and deaf.

The band, fronted by transient drug-addict turned rockstar drug-addict Chad Kroeger, shot to fame in 2006 with the hit single "How You Remind Me."

When asked why they would reveal such potentially damaging information about the band McLarken said he "had had enough" and that all the accolades have "gone straight to Kroeger's stupid head." "He actually asked if he could plug in his guitar and sing for real at one of our concerts. What is he, nuts?" Others have echoed similar sentiments. "Chad's somehow convinced himself that he's really talented," road manager Gus Van Der Gauf commented recently.

"Chad grew up on the mean streets of Oshawa." said Kroeger to a stunned audience. He appeared to have not registered his band mates public confession only seconds earlier and proceeded to embarrass himself in front of a record Juno Award Show audience of estimated at 117. Kroger continued with his acceptance speech, "You guys know my uncle? Mr. Kroeger? Well, he was featured on Seinfeld. He was always the successful one in the family and I thought I had a life of commercial sanding ahead of me, but now look where I am. I have straight hair, a bi-sexual blonde wife and a like 400 f***ing JUNOs. I'm gonna mount this bitch on the front of my ATV!"

When asked after the broadcast if his intention was to mount his wife or the Juno to his recreational vehicle, Kroeger was unresponsive. He was seen moments later colouring strands of his hair with magic markers and poking a large breasted woman with the award then licking it and smiling creepily.